I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
