you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
