this just has baby written all over it
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
