She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
