I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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