my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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