Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
