Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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