im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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