can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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