he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
