She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
