Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
