she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
