Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize