the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
