Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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