Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
