that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
