i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
