When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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