he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
