hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
