Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
