um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
