And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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