How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize