dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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