when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
