That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
