i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
