Do you still have your period?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
