Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just high enough for therapy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
