We won't sleep together?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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