I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
