If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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