oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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