Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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