Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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