Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
