nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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