i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
