Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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