Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
