WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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