if you like me you must not know who I am
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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