we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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