I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
