Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
