Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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