Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
