dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
