Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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