dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pants are for mortals
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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