I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
