she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
