Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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