He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
