Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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