I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
