Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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