cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
