I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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