They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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