ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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