dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize