Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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