No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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