I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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