fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
