I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
