if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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