I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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