I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm getting married
To pizza
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
