All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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